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Sometimes, sexual violence doesn't look like what we might expect. It's not always in dark alleyways or through obvious physical force; it can happen in seemingly familiar, everyday situations, with people we might already know and even be in a relationship with. Consider these examples:

1. A student feels pressured into a relationship with a professor who has a say in their grades or academic advancement. This power dynamic can make it difficult for the student to reject advances or seek help.
2. An employee receives sexually suggestive texts from their supervisor and feels that speaking out might cost them their job or compromise their standing at work.
3. A young adult shares intimate images with a partner who then posts them online without consent. This is image-based abuse, which often has severe mental health consequences for the person experiencing it.

Let's try to identify if these situations are sexual violence:

1. A person consents to sex with a condom, but their partner secretly removes it midway.

Though some may downplay this as a "miscommunication," it's a serious violation of consent, as the initial agreement was based on using protection. This act, known as "stealthing," is considered sexual assault in many places and can have physical, emotional, and legal repercussions.

2. One partner is aware of an STI but chooses not to inform the other before engaging in sexual activity.

If someone knowingly has an STI but chooses not to disclose it before sexual contact, they are violating their partner's right to make an informed decision. This breach of trust, while sometimes viewed as a "personal choice," is actually a form of sexual violence. Withholding information about STIs prevents the partner from giving fully informed consent, exposing them to health risks without their knowledge.

3. One partner encourages the other to drink heavily before suggesting they engage in sexual activity, or initiate sexual advances while the other is intoxicated.

If someone pressures their partner to drink heavily or become intoxicated before engaging in sexual activities, they are taking advantage of the partner's impaired state. Similarly, consent given under intoxication, especially if one person deliberately pressures the other to drink, is invalid. This situation is unfortunately common but often seen as a "blurred line" when, in reality, it involves manipulation and a lack of genuine consent.

4. One partner asks the other for consent after they've already said no, to see if they can change their mind.

Some situations involve partners who initially say "no" or express discomfort, but after persistent pressure, they give in. This pressure can be subtle, involving guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation, or making the person feel obligated to comply. While some view this as "convincing" or "persuasion," the repeated pressure violates the principle of free consent, as the person's decision was influenced by undue coercion. This also applies to situations that are not limited to intercourse, such as asking someone out multiple times till they agree to go on a date.

5. One partner captures video or photos of a sexual encounter without the other's knowledge.

Recording intimate acts or taking explicit photos without the other person's knowledge or consent may not involve physical force, but it's still a profound invasion of autonomy and privacy. Some may think that "no harm is done" if the content is not shared, yet capturing someone in a vulnerable situation without permission is a severe violation of trust and consent.

6. Initiating sexual acts while the other person is asleep or unconscious

Some people may misinterpret familiarity or a close relationship as implicit permission to engage in sexual acts while their partner is asleep or unconscious. Consent, however, requires conscious and active participation, meaning any sexual activity with a person who is asleep or otherwise unconscious is non-consensual and constitutes sexual assault. Even in committed relationships, consent must be given for each specific instance.

In some relationships, partners may previously agree that certain types of intimacy are welcome while one is asleep—an arrangement based on clear communication and mutual comfort. However, without such prior and ongoing agreement, assuming consent in these scenarios can lead to serious violations of trust and personal boundaries. This example underlines that consent should never be presumed, even within close or established relationships, as it fundamentally requires full awareness and active participation.

7. Ignoring boundaries

In some cases, a partner may agree to certain sexual activities but set clear boundaries for others. If, during the encounter, one partner decides to push these limits or "try" an act that wasn't agreed upon, it's a breach of consent. This could include attempting specific acts that were previously rejected or dismissing the partner's boundaries, which can lead to feelings of violation and assault.

8. A 25-year-old office worker dates a 20-year-old, university freshman

Grooming is a process in which a person builds trust with someone—often a younger or more vulnerable individual—to manipulate them into a sexual relationship over time. While grooming is most often associated with younger victims, it can happen at any age, especially when there's a significant age or power gap involved. For example, an older colleague might offer mentorship, constant support, and gifts to a younger co-worker, gradually breaking down their personal boundaries and leading to an inappropriate relationship. Or, in another case, a person might target someone fresh out of high school, positioning themselves as a guide and protector, all while subtly steering the relationship in a sexual direction.

Though this dynamic is especially common among younger individuals who are still learning about boundaries and trust, anyone vulnerable due to a power imbalance—whether in age, experience, or status—can fall prey to grooming. Grooming is insidious because it unfolds subtly over time, making it difficult for the victim to recognize the manipulation until they are already entangled. This example underscores the importance of recognizing that coercion and manipulation, even when not immediately obvious, still constitute a violation of consent and autonomy.

**9. One partner initiates a previously agreed-upon sexual act another day

Imagine a couple who previously agreed to certain intimate activities, such as a particular sexual act, on one occasion. However, during a later encounter, one partner assumes the same level of consent applies and initiates the same act without checking in or ensuring their partner is comfortable with it in that moment. Even though there was consent in the past, consent must be re-established every time, as comfort levels and personal boundaries can change.

This scenario is often perceived as "grey," but assuming past consent without seeking active, ongoing agreement dismisses the partner's right to make an informed decision each time. This situation highlights that consent should always be current, specific to the moment, and communicated clearly, as assuming prior consent undermines the autonomy and well-being of the other person.

It's NOT your fault

1. These situations highlight that sexual violence can affect anyone and doesn't always conform to stereotypes. Many times, the people who have experienced sexual violence are blamed or made to feel shame for what happened to them, but they should know that no matter the circumstances, they're not alone, and support is available.
2. Remember: No means No, Maybe means No, and Yes means Yes—only when given freely, enthusiastically, and without pressure.
3. Moving Toward Empowerment and Support.

Driving Awareness and Change

1. Understanding its various forms, recognizing the wide-reaching impact, and fostering a compassionate and informed dialogue can all help dismantle the stigma and barriers that silence so many.
2. Remember, sexual violence thrives in secrecy and isolation. By educating ourselves and others, by being open, and by showing empathy, we build stronger, safer, and more resilient communities. For those who have experienced this form of violence, know that you are not alone, and healing is possible. And for everyone else, we can all play a part in promoting respect, consent, and dignity for all. Together, we can make a difference, one conversation at a time.